Tuesday, December 22, 2009

irony

Held my breath, closed my eyes, squeezed them tight,
crossed my heart and stepped off the ledge.

And then I fell, fell, fell, fell. Where are the angels to grab my feet and lift them?
Where is YHWH to say, "Just Kidding! I just wanted to know that you would be willing to jump. Now that I know you are, I'll save you."

Fell, fell, and hit the ground hard. I heard bones crunch and all I'm seeing is stars, and I think that's my own blood.
This must be when I'm miraculously healed and all is made new again. This is restoration! You asked me to jump... you wouldn't leave me like this...

And I wait. I don't move a finger. I'm holding my breath, waiting in faith, I will be healed. I will be.

My bones still hurt, in fact I think I'm getting weaker for all of this blood I've lost. Why hasn't YESHUA picked me up yet?
Friends have noticed. They have come by and tried to lift me up. They keep telling me to stand up and they'll help me. Why don't they understand I'm waiting for YHWH? I have faith. I'll show the world who my God is. He loves me..

It's been days now, and no manna has fallen. I'm weak, and I hope you're happy YESHUA, but I'll probably be crippled. I'm not waiting anymore. No one has offered help again. I told them no too many times.

Finally, I open my mouth and cry for help. Any help. Someone help. I can't move on my own. And help comes, a friend holds me and I weep. Why has this been so painful? Why didn't you catch me before I hit the ground, or heal me once I broke?



I'm stiff and there's definitely a limp. But I'm walking again.

I've jumped more times than I can count now. Call it blind faith, but your WORD says you are good. And I thought I believed it..

I don't get you YHWH. You have not caught me once. Every time I have hit the ground, nothing breaks my fall. Your angels must be a joke. You must be a liar. Good my ass. No good father lets his kid hurt himself.

But the jokes on you. About five jumps ago I broke my fall with a roll. I didn't break a bone. And this last jump? I landed on my feet. So maybe you're trying to kill me, but I can take it.

Keep on asking me to jump. I will, but it won't hurt. So whatever it was you were trying to prove? Forget it. I beat you. I'm stronger than I was before. I still don't get what you are trying to do...
But, my bones don't ache. I am whole...

2 comments:

Gothcage said...

tough, fallen reality you've been given. hold on to Him and His promises. I'm sorry for your trials.

Me. said...

your strength is rare. your beauty is diamond hard and your transparency is incomparable. reid, you pretty freckled thing, i'm sorry for your hurt. i miss you and will be praying for answers for you. until then and after, i love you.