I didn't sign up for this to learn so much.
Or maybe I did.

All I know is that this has been a giant heap of shit and hurt and mess, and YOU. How does that work, right? I need a smoke, and a good hug. There's something that has been killing me in all this. I barely touch people here, everyone has their walls up and their arms out to protect themselves. When do I get to sink into someone's arms and just feel their body against me. When do I get to sit in quiet conversation and look someone in the eyes.

I need a new book to read, and some Esperanto time, and a little coffee on the side.