This town is quiet.
And YHWH I don't know what you're doing, but I trust you.

And I just want you to know that I'll go where you open doors.
Kicking and screaming, and then with whimpering, but I'll go.

Are my feet wandering to Pakistan? To kiss the feet of children and sit in tents,
drinking chai with bedouins and showing love greater than Allah ever could?

To the heart of Brooklyn, cooking dinner and opening the doors
to broken hearts and weary backs.

Or, beloved please tell me not back to this town?
This alcohol and sugar saturated place
of football and guns and.. and what?
Hearts that I love and places I don't want to see.

There are no homeless here, I beg you lead me on.
I said yes and I will continue to say yes to you,
but I am fearful.

And wounded, and breathless to begin again.

i have no pretty way to say this.
i rebuke your words that took worth away from me.

heart aches.

it's difficult
to love the works of your hands,
beautiful as they may be
when your words are loose and false.

i am seeking quiet places,
long nights full of few words
and only the presence of other bodies around.

i don't want to tell my story anymore,
there's too much of me
not enough of You.

every time my mouth opens, a sigh comes with it
and a groan that I am not speaking more of You
into this mouldy air, this bent earth swiftly tilting

quiet heart, be quiet soul
let me sleep- i have eyes heavy
for each moment of my breaking heart
for this world, for their hearts

for cold streets with
warm bodies on them; there are enough beds.
there is enough bread

i am less, but i will not be nothing
i will be a voice for your voiceless, who you cry for
who I will live for.
You.

And how much til I'm crawling out of my skin-
all of this churning deep down in my belly,
burning down the soles of my shoes.

Justice in my hands feels so weak,
and Truth seems a whisper around my mouth.
And my spirit rises against this-
my soul can only cry YESHUA
and hands want nothing but to feed.

Fingertips are electric,
everything pricked in tension,
twisting out of my fears
until there is freedom.

Freedom, freedom,
oh my Yeshua I want to bandage your bride
and nurse her wounds.

I want to pull her from the
twisted paths
and rest with her in your presence.

Truth has burst forth,
I could not contain it.
Justice is on my hands- for you are on my heart.

Yeshua be near
I am not worthy.

oh, but this is still true.
drash Çôwdh.
seeking out a way through the desert,
to find you, to find intimate counsel with you-
in your tent, face to face.

oh how i tremble to imagine.

meteors and matthew
and tonight i'll wrap myself in your covenant, and a blanket
lie on the roof waiting for your beauty to fall across my face
and into the city skyline.

and what wonders
this twisted piece of your glory, this earth displays.
all the city lights make these miracles hard to see,
but i'll pray them brighter
and urge the lights to fade.

------------------

Jesus I'm terrified of you and what you're asking.
You're not such a lamb these days,
but a lion and I know you are good
but I am so weak.
Be strong when I am weak.
Be all when I am nothing.

I'm asking for wholeness and for a family together in your Word.
But if that's not going to happen Yeshua I need more of you.

I have been turned out and I'm terrified.

Did you know
the life and fire you blew around my ankles
when I met you.

And it's burning in my belly now,
hotter than anything before it.

Brighter and deeper than eros ever was.
It is deep deep hot, in the pits of me.

Stirring places that were nothing but rotting stumps,
drawing out the dead bones,
and oh how the new growth hurts.

it is sharp and i cry out
and water alive with truth is rushing forth,
and my veins have none of the old dry dust of before.

i am all alive, all senses tingling,
every breath and dream are your words wrapping around
my tongue and bones
and all.

You're the flesh and bones of every heart I love
and every body I embrace.
I'll love your weary bones and tearing muscles,
and I'll cry tears so you won't have to.

Deep blood companion,
I'll find you.

And I'll wake when all is dark and you have not slept
and the prince of this world will tremble
at the life and truth we bear.

Sword of peace, I will slay your death
and war with my tears
and I will hold your broken veterans.

And it would all be sweeter if there were two hearts
instead of one.

Yeshua found me.
His words are haunting my dreams.

Tonight my heart has been groaning and weeping more than ever.
Father the burden weighs so heavy. I am weeping weeping crying for your lost.
The broken are with me, please be near. The broken are crying
and I am their tears.

So what's your word in all of this? I am so weak weak weak,
and sick low and weary.

My bones have been aching for days, burning in grief and fever
over so much lost.

Listen listen listen,
you must be begging me to.
I'm desperate to hear,
Father be near- my bones are broken for you
my body is yours to heal.

Be my help, send manna
and grace. I am weary, soul is weary,
body is broken
all I have is a heart ready for you.

After wandering through Middle Earth or somewhere near Inwood
my heart is beating stronger, laughing louder; it is well.

And all of my delving into YHWH, into HAKKADOSH have been beautiful,
rich walks between long stretches of wilderness.

And yet I have been heaving and hurting for more, wondering where
the manna went, where the water went, how the honey fled from my lips.

I stumbled into a haven, a room full of strangers I must have known for always.
Or at least a moment. And they opened their mouths and
sweet thanks rose from their lips.

The broken hearts were not ignored; they were tended to.
But first we cried Hallelujah, and told stories about gifts from strangers,
and sweet cups of coffee.

And oh my Yeshua- how long has it been since I've thanked you?
How long since I remembered you!
There's so many books after Micah, yet I did not see them.
Have not cracked open those words of life after the conquering of death.

But now I remember, and there's a spring through the desert
that has not run dry. and there's a path, a very small one
and on it I found my honey and manna in each step that I took..

and now what I ask for is my Sam. Who will walk through these woods with me,
sometimes muddy yet often rich and warm.